


middle distance runner

by sinshine



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Angst, Black Reaper Kaneki, M/M, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-20
Updated: 2016-12-20
Packaged: 2018-09-10 00:02:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8918725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinshine/pseuds/sinshine
Summary: A memory of hands clasped around his own. A firm grasp, the feeling of trust.
"Look at me. Just try to focus on me, alright?" Hide's brown eyes stared intently into his own.





	

**Author's Note:**

> happy birthday kaneki??? :( [finger guns @carloman]

It would have made more sense, Kaneki thought, if he had remembered over the summer. But perhaps it was the golden brown of the fallen leaves that had inspired his memory. Either way, he supposed that if he was going to remember at all then this was the way to do it; too late to really matter.

Just like everything else he did. Or didn't do.

As it was, he had been participating in the completely mundane task of washing laundry when it happened. It wasn't something that required much attention, not like when he had been a mentor to the Quinx just a few months ago and needed to sort, bleach, tumble dry, lay flat, iron. These days, any clothing that wasn't immediately discarded for being too shredded or bloodstained was black. Single load, no sorting, easy. But maybe that was why his mind had wandered.

Kaneki set the laundry basket down in front of the washer and considered how much time he would have to read while the machine was running. He grabbed a pair of jeans to toss in and caught of whiff of something that wasn't blood, sweat, or asphalt.

Grass. Well, even though he could smell the grass stain, it didn't matter on the dark-

_Bright green, yellow, orange, the sound of laughter, an arm around his shoulders warm like sunlight._

Hide.

_Oh._

Kaneki staggered backwards into the wall before his knees buckled and he sank down onto the tiled floor, his entire body shaking. His hand was over his mouth to stifle the wail that had almost escaped him, tears blurring his vision. He was breathing too quickly, almost hyperventilating and tried to force himself to calm down, tried to make his heart stop pounding erratically. Luckily, he lived alone now so there was no one there to see his breakdown. No sound in the apartment save for his own ragged breathing.

He leaned bodily against the wall and tried to take slow, deep breaths.

Hide. He forgot Hide. Out of everyone, for so long, why Hide--

_'It's okay. You're okay, Kaneki.'_

A memory of hands clasped around his own. A firm grasp, the feeling of trust.

_'Look at me. Just try to focus on me, alright?' Hide's brown eyes stared intently into his own. Kaneki nodded, a stiff jerk of the head._

_'Good! Okay, I'll start. Um, banana.'_

_'Na-' Kaneki inhaled a shuddering breath. 'Name.'_

_'Nice! Medulla.'_

_'L-lachrym-mose.'_

_'Seminar.'_

_'Ar-rtichoke.'_

_'Uh, ke... ketamine!'_

_They continued like that until his breathing evened out, then they laid down in the shade of a tree. Kaneki pressed his ear to Hide's chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart. Hide's hands rubbed soothing patterns over his shoulders and neck, not minding that Kaneki was making his shirt damp with tears._

_'Better?'_

_'Yeah.' His hands were still a little numb and his chest hurt, but Hide had a grounding presence. Hide was his anchor when nothing else felt real._

_'Thank you, Hide.'_

_A hand smoothed over his hair._

_Even when he didn't have anything, he had Hide._

The silence was almost buzzing in Kaneki's ears. He licked his chapped lips, tasting the salt from his tears, and said it out loud just once. Just enough to make it real.

“Hide,” he whispered.

  
  


 


End file.
